It's a confusing world out there and
Neil Swaab has a lot of questions about it. This is where he asks them.
Archive
How come in every TV show or movie about a lawyer, when the prosecutor gets the defendant to yell at them on the stand and lose control, that automatically means the defendant is guilty of murder and he’s going to jail? If I were in the jury, I certainly wouldn’t equate yelling at an attorney who bates you with killing someone. I call bullshit on that.
UPDATE ON MY LAST POST: I just saw a dead squirrel in the park this weekend so I guess that question is moot.
How come you never see any dead squirrels in the park? At some point in time, every squirrel has to die and yet, I’ve never stumbled across a dead squirrel body. Granted, I know scavengers probably eat their bodies at night, but what about the day? Are you telling me no squirrel has ever died during the day? That seems impossible.
How come there are so many hospitals with religious names, references, and affiliations? Presbyterian, Saint Vincents, Mount Sinai, Beth Israel, and Saint Judes come to mind. How come there are no Atheist hospital names? If I had to go to a hospital, I’d prefer to go to There is No God Medical.
Sorry, just a quick note to let you know that I haven’t forgotten or given up on this project. My schedule got very complicated soon after announcing it and even more so in the past couple weeks. Basically my shit is fucked for the next three weeks. If I can, I will post sporadically. I know, lame start. Sigh…
How come, no matter what part of America they’re living, white trash people always sound like they’re from the South? It’s true. If you don’t believe me, watch any random episode of COPS and you’ll see.
Why in the hell do mariachi bands play in the subway cars at 8:30am in the morning? Who wants to listen to a Mariachi band at 8:30am when they’re exhausted, miserable, and hating the fact that they’re having to go into work to a soulless job that’s killing them in tiny increments day by day? It just seems like a bad business plan. If I were a Mariachi band member, I’d suggest we only play after work. People are much happier and freer with their money then. Seriously, what are these crazy Mexicans thinking?
They make cards to say all of the things you want to say, but have trouble with, right? So how come they don’t make break-up cards? I wish I could find a card that says something like, “I’m sorry, but I don’t love you anymore” and has a picture of a sad bear or something on it. That would be awesome. Somebody should get on that. And, on that note, someone should also make STD cards. I predict, “Sorry I gave you herpes” would be a huge seller.
How come women get so upset when men leave the toilet seat up? I think men should get upset when women leave the toilet seat down. It takes far more effort to raise a seat than lower one. We’re working against gravity here.
OK, so your balls are on the outside of your body because they’re supposed to be kept cool, right? So why are they so hairy then?
